April 22nd, 2012.
This is the day we got married. And it's hard to believe a year has already gone by. But time flies when you are having fun, right?!
It isn't that marriage has been perfect or simple or happy all of the time. It hasn't been those things everyday this year. The amount of work and communication and love and selflessness and sacrifice can be so astounding at times, and not even the greatest pastor or counselor can prepare you for the work involved. But the result of all those beautiful things and the mess that comes with it is so worth it. There aren't many words to describe this "result" and not that its even a result, because marriage is something to be worked on and cherished every moment of every day. And the stuff it teaches you about yourself is crazy! Depressing at times, but all really good stuff. All I know and hope is that marriage is supposed to glorify God, and I pray that it helps mold Gabe and I into the people that we are supposed to be.
So in commemoration of this wonderful day in our lives, I share this video with you. If you came to the wedding or didn't, this gives you a short glimpse of what went on that day. A HUGE THANKS to Teejay and Ryan B. for doing this and making a beautiful product. I recommend them for wedding videography and photography. Check them out!
4.22.2013
4.21.2013
the story of us: part 1.
I was always told to write stories down.
This particular story is a love story, one that is ongoing, until death does its part. I know that I will miss some details, or give my biased point of view, but this is the beginning of many of my personal hopes and dreams coming true.
I met Gabe the winter of 2009, January to be exact, at a local show in my college town of Tuscaloosa. His band, named The Four Kicks at the time, was playing with a friend's (as well as ex-boyfriend's) band. I was one of a handful of local people there, and was intrigued when the Four Kicks announced they were from Nashville. Nashville! I was planning on moving there later in the spring, when I would graduate from the University of Alabama (ROLL TIDE!). I remember speaking with Gabe and Jordan from the band after their show and told them my plans to move. "Let's be friends!" was what I said to both of them.
I wouldn't be in contact with Gabe until March that same semester (unless you count being Facebook friends). His band was back in Tuscaloosa, but due to unfortunate circumstances, could not play the show they had been scheduled. Gabe remembered a mutual friend of mine and his and retrieved my number to see if I had any suggestions for venues or restaurants. I was attending a Wilco concert in Oxford, MS and couldn't hear the voicemail, but I texted him back giving some suggestions.
We finally met face to face while I was in Nashville hunting for a job and an apartment. It was May now. We chatted over Facebook and decided to meet up at Fido. I brought my two sisters, Rachel and Rebecca, my two nephews, Walker and Liam, and some of my sister's friends. A posse basically. Gabe was waiting with his friend and roommate Austin. The chemistry was imminent. The two of us talked exclusively almost the whole time, while Austin entertained my family and friends (and he is super funny).
At the end of May, I graduated and moved all my life up to Nashville. Guess who contacted me the same day I moved up? That would be Gabe. And we hung out every single day for three weeks straight. A short break was taken while the Kicks took some gigs, but then the hang outs resumed. We had the conversation, "Should we date?" and unanimously decided "YES."
This is the first part of our story. There are moments and times when I look back and think that the only way we could have ended up together despite all of our circumstances was by the grace and providence of God. There were moments in between these paragraphs where one of us forgot to text back, or the wrong signal was given, or someone was slow in responding, or whatever it may have been, but God kept his steady hand on the two of us. I will not fully understand it, but I will forever be thankful.
I love you, Gabe.
This particular story is a love story, one that is ongoing, until death does its part. I know that I will miss some details, or give my biased point of view, but this is the beginning of many of my personal hopes and dreams coming true.
I met Gabe the winter of 2009, January to be exact, at a local show in my college town of Tuscaloosa. His band, named The Four Kicks at the time, was playing with a friend's (as well as ex-boyfriend's) band. I was one of a handful of local people there, and was intrigued when the Four Kicks announced they were from Nashville. Nashville! I was planning on moving there later in the spring, when I would graduate from the University of Alabama (ROLL TIDE!). I remember speaking with Gabe and Jordan from the band after their show and told them my plans to move. "Let's be friends!" was what I said to both of them.
I wouldn't be in contact with Gabe until March that same semester (unless you count being Facebook friends). His band was back in Tuscaloosa, but due to unfortunate circumstances, could not play the show they had been scheduled. Gabe remembered a mutual friend of mine and his and retrieved my number to see if I had any suggestions for venues or restaurants. I was attending a Wilco concert in Oxford, MS and couldn't hear the voicemail, but I texted him back giving some suggestions.
We finally met face to face while I was in Nashville hunting for a job and an apartment. It was May now. We chatted over Facebook and decided to meet up at Fido. I brought my two sisters, Rachel and Rebecca, my two nephews, Walker and Liam, and some of my sister's friends. A posse basically. Gabe was waiting with his friend and roommate Austin. The chemistry was imminent. The two of us talked exclusively almost the whole time, while Austin entertained my family and friends (and he is super funny).
At the end of May, I graduated and moved all my life up to Nashville. Guess who contacted me the same day I moved up? That would be Gabe. And we hung out every single day for three weeks straight. A short break was taken while the Kicks took some gigs, but then the hang outs resumed. We had the conversation, "Should we date?" and unanimously decided "YES."
This is the first part of our story. There are moments and times when I look back and think that the only way we could have ended up together despite all of our circumstances was by the grace and providence of God. There were moments in between these paragraphs where one of us forgot to text back, or the wrong signal was given, or someone was slow in responding, or whatever it may have been, but God kept his steady hand on the two of us. I will not fully understand it, but I will forever be thankful.
I love you, Gabe.
4.17.2013
one or three years later
Wow. Three years and counting since my last post. What a whirlwind my life has been in the last three years! Some wonderful things have happened, some hardship, sadness, rejuvenation, blessings, joy, depression. I found a post I had started writing a year after my last post, which would have been two years ago. Even from that point so much has happened.
"One year and one day later, I write my next blog entry. Where do I even start? The last I wrote, I was having car trouble. Proudly, I now drive a Honda Accord. Having a reliable car makes all the difference in the world. And since I have a new car, I am in the process of paying my dad back for it. I moved into a different apartment with a roommate in order to save money and took on a second job to help with the bills (also for experience, but more on that later). I have had to really stick to my guns of paying my car off. But I am working my way towards it, and will be so thankful when it is paid off. My car is the only debt I have. I think more and more these days of saving, putting money away, saving for a house, a future. Isn't that the goal? Not to live a cookie cutter kind of life, but when you look back on your life, you can say you worked for the things you have. I have also thought a lot about control and how much (or little) that I have over my life. Sometimes my plans for my life or my environment just absolutely consume me. And I think that it is my job to make sure that these certain things be done. I wouldn't call myself a planner. I actually despise the idea. More like a Free Spirit with an Idea of What's Ahead."
Reading back on your own posts can either make you laugh or blush. Sometimes I feel proud, but usually a bit silly. But since that unpublished post, I have gotten engaged, married, and about to celebrate a one year anniversary with my husband, Gabe. Yes, the same Gabe from my previous posts. We have such a wonderful and rich history together, and couldn't be happier to share my future with him. Married life has taught me so much about myself, and my relationship with others, and my relationship with God. This is a continuous conversation, a story of labor and love.
The second job, in the aforementioned paragraph, is now my only job as a Behavior Therapist, working primarily with children with autism. This has been a blessing and hard all at the same time. It has taught me so much about life, myself, and the way I want or don't want to raise my future children. When you work in behavior science, you tend to look at (and do) everything through that lens. (e.g., husband pokes me in ribs to make me laugh while in bad mood- IGNORE! nephew follows directions first time given- POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT!) It has also opened my eyes to what I want out of my career in the long run. This also will be a continuous conversation, but there are definitely exciting possibilities in the future!
Something I discovered that I am really passionate about is health and food. And I mean in every possible way. Earlier this year, I discovered I had hypothyroidism and borderline Hashimoto's disease. I had to really change my diet and take supplements to combat my slow thyroid. For years I have struggled with acne, low energy, stress and fatigue, minor depression, and hormone balance, and never thought it was all related to my thyroid. I'm not completely on the other side, but I haven't felt this good in years, and my focus on my diet and lifestyle has really helped for the better. Many of my posts will be about food and health related topics.
I look forward to sharing life's beauties with you!
2.21.2010
car.
Today, I am traveling to Anniston, my hometown, to hopefully pick up my new car. I am currently driving a 1995 Toyota Avalon. It has served me well during my first driving years, but now it is a hazard and a death trap. Over the last month, I have experienced an axle breaking while driving, had my battery and alternator replaced, engine overheated and radiator replaced, flat tire that was unsalvageable, dead battery, and there lies many other things that need to be fixed with it. It is time to move on.
On another note, I have thought much about the season of Lent that is upon us. I am not really doing anything in particular for it, but I have always been curious about it. What does it actually mean for someone to participate in Lent? I read somewhere that Lent is the season of repenting and dying to one's self. It is supposed to represent the time that Jesus spent in the desert alone for 40 days. 40 days! I can't imagine doing any one thing for 40 days, let alone be by myself and have to abstain and fast and be in contemplative prayer. This is why God is great, and I am not. It is really interesting having social networking sites that update you on people's lives and actions every minute of the day. Many people on facebook have been writing about their Lent sacrifices or decisions. I know that these people aren't doing it for a show, or trying to prove something to the facebook world, but what is their reason behind it? I read Scripture on the beginning day of Lent that said do nothing in public, but spending time in prayer and worshipping God should be done in private. In the context of the verse (I believe it was in Matthew) it was really speaking to what the Pharisees were trying to do to show that they were pious or especially religious. Every thing they did was just for show on the outside, but many of them were spiritually dead on the inside. I think nowadays, the context for our faith is somewhat different, but the verse can still be applied in some ways. I think most people would agree with me when I say that we shouldn't be motivated to do good things or pious things or abstain from things for the attention of others. What matters is what is inside our hearts and how God has called us to that place. I want to spend this season not avoiding one thing, but avoiding myself. Dying to myself and my most selfish ways. Not the sugar that I consume or the caffeine I am addicted to, but the daily sin that I find myself in every moment of the day. This is what Lent is for me. And I pray that at the end of Lent, at the end of the year, at the end of everyday, God has supplied me with a stronger heart. A heart that is totally reliant on Him, His Son, His Spirit, His grace and forgiveness.
2.06.2010
fido.
I'm sitting here at Fido and it is packed. I have a lot on my mind, but I like the distractions in the background. Waiting on Amanda to get here. When I mentioned the Enneagram, there are several layers, components to all the different numbers. Its not as simple as one description of a type, and people find the description that fits them best. Its actually pretty complex, and I don't even think that I could do it justice by trying to explain it on here. So I'll start with one part of it.
Every number has a basic desire and basic fear. The basic desire of a Four is to find themselves and their significance. The basic fear is that they have no identity or personal significance. A lot of times the basic fear is what drives any number to behave in a certain way. I know that when I am fearful of losing my identity or significance to other people, I withdraw from those people because I think "what can I even add to this group of people or this situation?" Its a really complicated thought process that I go through, and its really only based on what my perception is, not what people actually do or say. I have only lived in Nashville for about 9 months, but I have really been trying to get plugged in with a group of people or church. I met Gabe and his whole band before I even moved up here, and we connected so much that we started dating almost as soon as I moved up here. He has such a great group of friends and I have really grown close to that whole circle. I know that its really important to have my own group of friends as well. I guess I knew that it would be difficult to start over in a new town, a town where everyone is trying to find their place as an artist or musician or a student. Sometimes its really hard. I work full time at Vanderbilt University, and have met some really great people through that. I go to City Church, which is in east Nashville, and have met some really great people there, too. I haven't found those people that I know would stick with me through anything, but I have met some great people. I desire so much to connect with someone and have a really personal relationship with that person. I have never been one that has belonged to a big group or clique of people. And I am ok with that. I just want someone that gets me, that understands me , that accepts me no matter what mood I am in, or what I have done in the past or the present, or what I will do in the future. I have that with some people. I feel like I have that with Gabe. But I know that this can't be it.
I have been trying to process all this for the last twelve hours or so. I think that Gabe was feeling worried that I wasn't doing anything while he is out on the road. He had a conversation with Bill, who is touring with their band, who said that his wife doesn't know what to do when he is gone on the road. So I think Gabe kind of freaked because he thought that I was going to be the same way, or maybe that I am that way already. And I understand that concern. I know that he is just worried that I won't find friends or be connected to people who are going to grow with me and challenge me and support me. I feel that maybe he feels pressure from that while he is gone. And this is the last thing I want him to feel. The person that I was with before always ALWAYS felt pressure from me, even when there wasn't anything was wrong. So my first instinct is to think that I am too much for someone. And I think that if I am too much for this one person whom I really care about, that I am really too much for anyone, and that no one is ever going to want to put up with or handle me. When I am in a relationship, I wholeheartedly give myself to this person. I am in it all the way, which has not always been the best turnout for me. But so much of that is just the way I am created. I don't know any other way to be towards that person. I guess through all of this, I don't want Gabe to feel pressure from me not having people to hang out with while he is gone. I also want him to trust that I am doing everything that I can possibly do to connect with people and be around people other than my family or whoever while he is away. I want him to know that I am not like Bill's wife. I do have things to do and people to meet and hang out with. Bill and his wife have been together for ten years, married for five or six of those. They have been together since they were so young. They are in such a different stage than Gabe and I are in. But I understand his concern. I know that he just wants the best for me. I know that I will continue to think about this and process this. I want Gabe to know that I am ok on my own, and that I am striving to obtain my goals and do the things that I want to do, whether he is here or not. I guess I have to believe it myself that I am accomplishing my goals and I that I do have significance in this world. Its harder than it sounds.
Every number has a basic desire and basic fear. The basic desire of a Four is to find themselves and their significance. The basic fear is that they have no identity or personal significance. A lot of times the basic fear is what drives any number to behave in a certain way. I know that when I am fearful of losing my identity or significance to other people, I withdraw from those people because I think "what can I even add to this group of people or this situation?" Its a really complicated thought process that I go through, and its really only based on what my perception is, not what people actually do or say. I have only lived in Nashville for about 9 months, but I have really been trying to get plugged in with a group of people or church. I met Gabe and his whole band before I even moved up here, and we connected so much that we started dating almost as soon as I moved up here. He has such a great group of friends and I have really grown close to that whole circle. I know that its really important to have my own group of friends as well. I guess I knew that it would be difficult to start over in a new town, a town where everyone is trying to find their place as an artist or musician or a student. Sometimes its really hard. I work full time at Vanderbilt University, and have met some really great people through that. I go to City Church, which is in east Nashville, and have met some really great people there, too. I haven't found those people that I know would stick with me through anything, but I have met some great people. I desire so much to connect with someone and have a really personal relationship with that person. I have never been one that has belonged to a big group or clique of people. And I am ok with that. I just want someone that gets me, that understands me , that accepts me no matter what mood I am in, or what I have done in the past or the present, or what I will do in the future. I have that with some people. I feel like I have that with Gabe. But I know that this can't be it.
I have been trying to process all this for the last twelve hours or so. I think that Gabe was feeling worried that I wasn't doing anything while he is out on the road. He had a conversation with Bill, who is touring with their band, who said that his wife doesn't know what to do when he is gone on the road. So I think Gabe kind of freaked because he thought that I was going to be the same way, or maybe that I am that way already. And I understand that concern. I know that he is just worried that I won't find friends or be connected to people who are going to grow with me and challenge me and support me. I feel that maybe he feels pressure from that while he is gone. And this is the last thing I want him to feel. The person that I was with before always ALWAYS felt pressure from me, even when there wasn't anything was wrong. So my first instinct is to think that I am too much for someone. And I think that if I am too much for this one person whom I really care about, that I am really too much for anyone, and that no one is ever going to want to put up with or handle me. When I am in a relationship, I wholeheartedly give myself to this person. I am in it all the way, which has not always been the best turnout for me. But so much of that is just the way I am created. I don't know any other way to be towards that person. I guess through all of this, I don't want Gabe to feel pressure from me not having people to hang out with while he is gone. I also want him to trust that I am doing everything that I can possibly do to connect with people and be around people other than my family or whoever while he is away. I want him to know that I am not like Bill's wife. I do have things to do and people to meet and hang out with. Bill and his wife have been together for ten years, married for five or six of those. They have been together since they were so young. They are in such a different stage than Gabe and I are in. But I understand his concern. I know that he just wants the best for me. I know that I will continue to think about this and process this. I want Gabe to know that I am ok on my own, and that I am striving to obtain my goals and do the things that I want to do, whether he is here or not. I guess I have to believe it myself that I am accomplishing my goals and I that I do have significance in this world. Its harder than it sounds.
2.05.2010
enneathought
so i get these emails called enneathoughts based on my number on the enneagram. if you're not sure what this is, check out enneagraminstitute.com or enneagramcentral.com. you can take a test to determine which personality type you embody the most.
i know what people say and think about personality tests and types. but if you are looking for personal growth and better understanding of yourself, it really is a great tool.
anyways...
so these enneathoughts basically give you a tip or something to contemplate for the day that has to do with your tendencies, weaknesses, strengths, you get the picture. my type four (4) in brief, over stereotyped summary is this:
Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.
so taking this in, here are some of the thoughts i get on a daily basis.
- what would it be like to let go of being moody and express your higher qualities of being emotionally strong and playful today? take away note: STOP BEING MOODY
- remember that envy (the passion of the four) causes them to see everyone as stable and normal while feeling that they alone are flawed or, at best, unfinished. watch for this tendency in yourself today. take away note: STOP BEING ENVIOUS
- here's a good one: embrace these healing attitudes today - maybe there's nothing wrong with me. maybe others do understand me and are supporting me.
as funny or silly as these things may be, a lot of them actually help in my day to day growth. its one of the first emails i read in the morning, and can be pretty eye opening. i need an email that tells me to stop reading these thoughts and read a Bible verse to start my day off right.
i know what people say and think about personality tests and types. but if you are looking for personal growth and better understanding of yourself, it really is a great tool.
anyways...
so these enneathoughts basically give you a tip or something to contemplate for the day that has to do with your tendencies, weaknesses, strengths, you get the picture. my type four (4) in brief, over stereotyped summary is this:
Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.
so taking this in, here are some of the thoughts i get on a daily basis.
- what would it be like to let go of being moody and express your higher qualities of being emotionally strong and playful today? take away note: STOP BEING MOODY
- remember that envy (the passion of the four) causes them to see everyone as stable and normal while feeling that they alone are flawed or, at best, unfinished. watch for this tendency in yourself today. take away note: STOP BEING ENVIOUS
- here's a good one: embrace these healing attitudes today - maybe there's nothing wrong with me. maybe others do understand me and are supporting me.
as funny or silly as these things may be, a lot of them actually help in my day to day growth. its one of the first emails i read in the morning, and can be pretty eye opening. i need an email that tells me to stop reading these thoughts and read a Bible verse to start my day off right.
1.30.2010
welcome to thought.
I am trying to contemplate why Taylor Swift has won so many awards and has had so much success, but its hurting my brain so I'm going to stop.
Snow fell in Nashville this weekend, and life sort of slowed down and stopped, at least for part of the time. The South is really not used to getting that much snow. Everyone closed down shop, got their bread and milk, and bunkered down for the worst. A lot of snow, but not too bad. I, however, refused to make a trip to the grocery store, and most certainly was not going to stock up on milk and bread. I always wonder why those two things are such staples for enduring bad weather. There really isn't anything in your house you could live on for a day or two? I was completely satisfied with eggs and granola, coffee and peanut butter, carrots and grapes.
This weekend has brought on a lot of thoughts about self-growth, transformation, self-belief. What is it that you or I believe about ourselves? What does it take to really believe what is true, what does it take to NOT believe the lies that I hear in my head about myself? Every year I look back and I think, 'I am different than I was a year ago', but what steps did I take to get there? I get older every year. Are the experiences that we have as life continues just bound to make us grow up and change for the better? Is there a self revelation that happens, and we take from a meaningful cue to take a better way? I know people who have influenced me for the better. I know that I am constantly being molded and shaped by my Great Creator, even when I'm at my worst. I know that I am changing, and have changed and grown for the better, but at this point I can't write down my steps to transformation on this paper. I can't calculate exactly what it takes for you to be at a place of comfort, knowing that you have reached your better self, or that I have reached my better self. Maybe its something we never reach. In fact, I can say that I will never reach my best self. That's what sanctification is. An ongoing process of growth. It sucks too. Sometimes growth just absolutely sucks. But its absolutely necessary to be able to continue through life, to mature, to build relationships. I am one that tries to take every opportunity, every experience to learn something about the world as well as myself. Even with really bad things that happen, I look back and think that it somehow made me stronger, made me better for having learned from that. I'm wondering what it takes to appreciate the aesthetic of personal pain and personal growth the moment I am going through it. Because even with all the shit that you go through and sift through, one can think that it was for the better. But what about your daily thoughts that can take you through excruciating pain? The thoughts that happen in a moments notice and essentially ruin your day, and all because it was some lie that you thought you should believe because you didn't think enough of yourself to not believe it. I can be confident, but what day will my heart believe that I AM confident. I can be beautiful, but what day will my heart believe that I am actually beautiful? I am loved, but when will I believe down to the depths of everything inside of me that I am truly and unconditionally loved? And when will I stop thinking so much about myself and begin to care for others and love them the way they need to be loved? Someone told me that when he listened to people talk, all he heard was that from one person to the next was just waiting on their turn to get their two cents in. If a person was telling a story, the next would chime in about their similar story or experience. I think we are all guilty of this. When your friend's car breaks down, what is your first reaction? Do you rehash your story about how you had to take your car to the shop and had a bad experience with the mechanic? Do you listen and follow through with what they have been going through? Do I listen? I want to change in that way. I want to think less and less of myself, even in menial conversations. And I know its going to be so hard. We are so automatic when it comes to ourselves. Its ironic I want to be the one listening and rant about it the day I start a blog. A blog just shouts ME ME ME. Its what I know best though. I need to sort through the thoughts that run in and out of my head. I need to sort through them before I say them out loud. That gets me into trouble sometimes. But enough of what's going on in my head.
Snow fell in Nashville this weekend, and life sort of slowed down and stopped, at least for part of the time. The South is really not used to getting that much snow. Everyone closed down shop, got their bread and milk, and bunkered down for the worst. A lot of snow, but not too bad. I, however, refused to make a trip to the grocery store, and most certainly was not going to stock up on milk and bread. I always wonder why those two things are such staples for enduring bad weather. There really isn't anything in your house you could live on for a day or two? I was completely satisfied with eggs and granola, coffee and peanut butter, carrots and grapes.
This weekend has brought on a lot of thoughts about self-growth, transformation, self-belief. What is it that you or I believe about ourselves? What does it take to really believe what is true, what does it take to NOT believe the lies that I hear in my head about myself? Every year I look back and I think, 'I am different than I was a year ago', but what steps did I take to get there? I get older every year. Are the experiences that we have as life continues just bound to make us grow up and change for the better? Is there a self revelation that happens, and we take from a meaningful cue to take a better way? I know people who have influenced me for the better. I know that I am constantly being molded and shaped by my Great Creator, even when I'm at my worst. I know that I am changing, and have changed and grown for the better, but at this point I can't write down my steps to transformation on this paper. I can't calculate exactly what it takes for you to be at a place of comfort, knowing that you have reached your better self, or that I have reached my better self. Maybe its something we never reach. In fact, I can say that I will never reach my best self. That's what sanctification is. An ongoing process of growth. It sucks too. Sometimes growth just absolutely sucks. But its absolutely necessary to be able to continue through life, to mature, to build relationships. I am one that tries to take every opportunity, every experience to learn something about the world as well as myself. Even with really bad things that happen, I look back and think that it somehow made me stronger, made me better for having learned from that. I'm wondering what it takes to appreciate the aesthetic of personal pain and personal growth the moment I am going through it. Because even with all the shit that you go through and sift through, one can think that it was for the better. But what about your daily thoughts that can take you through excruciating pain? The thoughts that happen in a moments notice and essentially ruin your day, and all because it was some lie that you thought you should believe because you didn't think enough of yourself to not believe it. I can be confident, but what day will my heart believe that I AM confident. I can be beautiful, but what day will my heart believe that I am actually beautiful? I am loved, but when will I believe down to the depths of everything inside of me that I am truly and unconditionally loved? And when will I stop thinking so much about myself and begin to care for others and love them the way they need to be loved? Someone told me that when he listened to people talk, all he heard was that from one person to the next was just waiting on their turn to get their two cents in. If a person was telling a story, the next would chime in about their similar story or experience. I think we are all guilty of this. When your friend's car breaks down, what is your first reaction? Do you rehash your story about how you had to take your car to the shop and had a bad experience with the mechanic? Do you listen and follow through with what they have been going through? Do I listen? I want to change in that way. I want to think less and less of myself, even in menial conversations. And I know its going to be so hard. We are so automatic when it comes to ourselves. Its ironic I want to be the one listening and rant about it the day I start a blog. A blog just shouts ME ME ME. Its what I know best though. I need to sort through the thoughts that run in and out of my head. I need to sort through them before I say them out loud. That gets me into trouble sometimes. But enough of what's going on in my head.
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